http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCdmiZyyGjQ&feature=PlayList&p=3738547C9EC02A29&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=19
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
I have watched this three times
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCdmiZyyGjQ&feature=PlayList&p=3738547C9EC02A29&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=19
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
Poor Unfortunate Soul
That poor, poor girl.
I wish you guys could’ve seen it. Some unfortunate dork was running with all of her might to get down the subway stairs to make it into the car and it just wasn’t meant to be. She tripped over the last stair and lurched forward.
It was the especially embarrassing brand of trip ‘n fall; the kind where you don’t just ((splat)) take a fall. You trip forward and you keep trying to save yourself but stumbling….Save yourself, fall forward, no save yourself, so close!!
Her overpriced sugar-free vanilla soy latte went everywhere, completely staining her shirt that isn’t anywhere near as cool as she probably thinks it is.
Everyone stared at her as she let out a dejected whine, sounding quite a bit like a goat in labor.
Uch. Poor girl. What a way to start the day today.
…And that girl was me.
I wish you guys could’ve seen it. Some unfortunate dork was running with all of her might to get down the subway stairs to make it into the car and it just wasn’t meant to be. She tripped over the last stair and lurched forward.
It was the especially embarrassing brand of trip ‘n fall; the kind where you don’t just ((splat)) take a fall. You trip forward and you keep trying to save yourself but stumbling….Save yourself, fall forward, no save yourself, so close!!
Her overpriced sugar-free vanilla soy latte went everywhere, completely staining her shirt that isn’t anywhere near as cool as she probably thinks it is.
Everyone stared at her as she let out a dejected whine, sounding quite a bit like a goat in labor.
Uch. Poor girl. What a way to start the day today.
…And that girl was me.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Abreva for Greeny too
Todd didn't mention in this torrid tale than I too, fell under the addictive spell of Abreva. Abreva is a seductive lady...
For over a week she (Katie, not Abreva) and I would swap stories on the phone, both of us searching the mirror for any sign of a cold sore....Never happened.But we were both so tingly!! We were sure it was just a second away!!
Her paranoia is health and disease related which is grounded in science and genuine concern... I on the other hand was much more concerned that someone would FIND my Abreva in my bag... And then they would start calling me "Stepha-Herpes" (Or something more creative.)
So I used a little zippered pouch for the teensy tube of cream and then I put THAT in a wallet I no longer use and THEN I put in the inner hidden zipper pocket of my purse.
So, all of you; SHHHHH!!!!!!
For over a week she (Katie, not Abreva) and I would swap stories on the phone, both of us searching the mirror for any sign of a cold sore....Never happened.But we were both so tingly!! We were sure it was just a second away!!
Her paranoia is health and disease related which is grounded in science and genuine concern... I on the other hand was much more concerned that someone would FIND my Abreva in my bag... And then they would start calling me "Stepha-Herpes" (Or something more creative.)
So I used a little zippered pouch for the teensy tube of cream and then I put THAT in a wallet I no longer use and THEN I put in the inner hidden zipper pocket of my purse.
So, all of you; SHHHHH!!!!!!
Which reminds me...
This story reminded me of another story. One in which a few years ago, I felt a tingle in my lip.
Being a little um...hyper sensitive to bodily issues... I googled
"Lip tingling"
what comes up?
yes. HERPES. stage one TINGLE.
so...in an emotional panic, I ran to CVS and picked up a tube of this Abreva (NOT CHEAP!)
I begin to apply the product to my lip, three...to um...let's say nine times a day.
About two weeks go by, and it turns out, iIdidn't ever get a cold sore, and after being tested by the Dr. (yes went that far). Did not have (STILL DO NOT HAVE) the Herps.
but what did happen you ask?
My lip continued to tingle non stop, as my father explained was because my lip developed an addiction to the medication, and I was going through withdrawal.
to sum up = twenty dollars, and lots of tingling.
Totally cool.
OH
DEAR
LORD
It would appear that my employer is suffering from a bit of the ol' Herpes.
She just came out of the bathroom with white cream all over her mouth and said
"I'm falling apart. I have a headache"
not making notice of the BLOBS of abreva all over her face.
Want to know how I know she has Herpes?
Because she said to me yesterday "I have some herpes and the shivers"
She is from another country.
I assume she just has some like cold soars, not like the full on STD we all know and love.
But she does not know the social norms we have here in this county and how you don't go around saying things like "I have Herpes and my alarm clock did not go off"
Svetlana...no one wants to hear a Russian lobster do a one woman broadway review!
Well here I am... being a lobster. Duh.Murph (swedish chef/sort of) and I got a gig at this baller Zoo fundraiser, to promote the comedy spot. Every restaurant in the city pretty much, along with music, and assorted other vendors were there. If I were wealthy...and um...cared about Asian Elephants, I would totally have paid to get in as a guest. Not the hired help.
I spent two hours switching accents, singing, running from the chef, getting buttered by the chef, posing for photos as I announced that I was indeed yes, the famous lobster from the movies (my scene from Castaway was cut), yelling for my lost parents "Pedro and Frances" who went to hang out in a hot tub the chef told them about...
Look out James Lipton... I am almost there.
oy.
OK!
ooooh! This makes me feel hot and sexy and... No wait, it just makes me want buttered popcorn and gummy sharks. I LOVE how the tummies are white.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
It's Green eye's dad. not mine.
Ah yes... Such fond memories have I of my father and I at the fair together... He would put on his horse suit and say "Now Stephanie...We shant be telling your mother OR Child Protection Services about this, shant we?"
... Upon further examination I realize we are not headed to the fair in this photograph. Whoops!
*We were actually on our way to the dentist.
... Upon further examination I realize we are not headed to the fair in this photograph. Whoops!
*We were actually on our way to the dentist.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
The Tale
OK Orson.
Here is the story.
I was on the train ( I think) with Green eyed Todd, having a riveting discussion of world leaders and corn (or something else, whatever) as we segwayed on to the topic of everyone's favorite T.G.I.F show "Perfect Strangers"
We began to giggle as we both remembered the dance video entitled Balki B
After singing the lyrics we could remember, Green eyes says something like
"oh and remember how Orson Larry's character worked with the mom from Family Matters?"
to which I replied...
"um.. who is Orson Larry?"
to which she replies
"um..the American that Balki lives with"
to which I replied
"um.....you mean COUSIN Larry...said by Balki Bartokomous with a fake greek/mypos accent?"
to which we both began laughing so loud that we got pepper sprayed by a metro employee.
almost true.
The Daughter of your Aunt and Uncle is your ORSON?
Hey Todd! (Yes you!) I was just thinking, the tale you tell of how our names “Todd” came to be is heartwarming and pithy.
But what I think our friends need to read is how ORSON came about!
*Trust me guys, it’s funny… And I come off looking really, really stupid.
*ADDED BONUS: It involves the revolutionary program “Perfect Strangers.” What?! No kids, it’s not your birthday. Life is just this great!!
-Go on Orson, give them what they want! Listen up everyone
But what I think our friends need to read is how ORSON came about!
*Trust me guys, it’s funny… And I come off looking really, really stupid.
*ADDED BONUS: It involves the revolutionary program “Perfect Strangers.” What?! No kids, it’s not your birthday. Life is just this great!!
-Go on Orson, give them what they want! Listen up everyone
Having trouble controlling the VOLUME OF MY VOICE
And now for a new segment I have made of overheard conversations.
This one took place on the S9 bus this morning.
"what the Fu*# is wrong with that Nig*#a anyways. You know he never wear shorts?"
"what the hell you mean he don't wear no shorts"
"man you saw him commin out Ray Ray's house with them mesh jeans on"
"oh yeah, thems made out the same material as Darnell's sweatshirt!!!"
This one took place on the S9 bus this morning.
"what the Fu*# is wrong with that Nig*#a anyways. You know he never wear shorts?"
"what the hell you mean he don't wear no shorts"
"man you saw him commin out Ray Ray's house with them mesh jeans on"
"oh yeah, thems made out the same material as Darnell's sweatshirt!!!"
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Lady Gwedlyn of Yorken Houser Schmitt
Well it happened.
My dreams came true.
I, along with 4 other curious scavengers attended my very first Medieval times;
Dinner and Tournament.
Its sort of like a mini Disney world you don't have to fly to with the souvies, teens in costume, families in matching shirts, and a plethora of food.
But unlike Disney...
We ate a 5 course meal with our fingers!
HUZAH!
We posed in front of a green screen to create a photo of us fighting a dragon!
(but the picture cost like twenty bones, so obviously, we did not purchase.
We drank beer and got to keep the hologram medy time cups!
We cheered for the blue night and wore blue crowns! (sort of like the burger king ones)
We ate till we farted and got served by a 90 pound wench
We DID NOT embarrass ourselves (myself) with our fear of horses!
All in all, the night was a true success, except for our lame curly haired creech knight
(#51) who did not win the match but DID win my heart when he kissed a crumpled carnation and then threw it at me.
Can Anyone Spare a Dinette Set?
After paying my 2nd month’s rent in my new apartment I decided it might be a good time to start unpacking.
(This is actually quite a feat considering the first apartment I had in NYC I didn’t unpack the whole year I lived there… It made moving out rather smooth)
I stayed up the entire night, locking myself inside and unpacking; determined to make it happen for realsies this time.
Also, it’s a fifth floor walkup so I need to think of like, a REALLY good reason to justify leaving. Like a fire or if I hear the Good Humor truck.
My dream home would probably be a marriage of Pam Anderson’s beach house (fine, I watched Cribs ONCE!) and Pee Wee’s Playhouse. And instead of that holy matrimony, by 7am my apartment was more of a fucked up orgy between T.J Maxx, the rarely seen apartment of Newman on Seinfeld and one of those Navajo blankets on the sidewalk covered in random dusty housewares and crappy trinkets that homeless people try and sell for 80 cents.
The only sign of PeeWee’s Playhouse was my super cool robot clock that my roommate keeps “misplacing” in the very back of the highest kitchen cabinet.
I have a great little rug to go in front of the couch, below the coffee table. But I still need a couch and a coffee table. Oh and a TV stand.
And maybe some art or pictures.
And maybe a mop.
And maybe a shelf or some kind of crate.
And a chair.
Maybe a glass and some plates? Maybe another spoon so I have two?
Until those items magically appear I am fairly content in my ways; filling a laundry bag with dirty clothes and leaning against it like a bean bag chair while I eat 98% fat free Hebrew National hot dogs out of a cereal bowl with a plastic fork.
(Goodburger ketchup packet an optional garnish)
(This is actually quite a feat considering the first apartment I had in NYC I didn’t unpack the whole year I lived there… It made moving out rather smooth)
I stayed up the entire night, locking myself inside and unpacking; determined to make it happen for realsies this time.
Also, it’s a fifth floor walkup so I need to think of like, a REALLY good reason to justify leaving. Like a fire or if I hear the Good Humor truck.
My dream home would probably be a marriage of Pam Anderson’s beach house (fine, I watched Cribs ONCE!) and Pee Wee’s Playhouse. And instead of that holy matrimony, by 7am my apartment was more of a fucked up orgy between T.J Maxx, the rarely seen apartment of Newman on Seinfeld and one of those Navajo blankets on the sidewalk covered in random dusty housewares and crappy trinkets that homeless people try and sell for 80 cents.
The only sign of PeeWee’s Playhouse was my super cool robot clock that my roommate keeps “misplacing” in the very back of the highest kitchen cabinet.
I have a great little rug to go in front of the couch, below the coffee table. But I still need a couch and a coffee table. Oh and a TV stand.
And maybe some art or pictures.
And maybe a mop.
And maybe a shelf or some kind of crate.
And a chair.
Maybe a glass and some plates? Maybe another spoon so I have two?
Until those items magically appear I am fairly content in my ways; filling a laundry bag with dirty clothes and leaning against it like a bean bag chair while I eat 98% fat free Hebrew National hot dogs out of a cereal bowl with a plastic fork.
(Goodburger ketchup packet an optional garnish)
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